I find Trad Wife discourse fascinating and exhausting at the same time (not commentary on your well written and thought out piece!). One of the things I always keep in mind is that Trad Wife is both kink and kink-adjacent. Just like all those videos we see of people making food badly, it's not porn, and it's not technically fetish content, it uses all of the same markers to appeal to the same base-brain that is activated by modern porn.
There is also the aspect of capitalism and relief from struggle - closely related to when people say "I'd love to be a kid again". Sure it would be great to have someone bankroll my life, and for me to be taken care of... but that's not actually the full experience of being a child. When someone says "i wish I could go back to being a little kid" they really mean they want someone to take care of all their needs so they have the freedom to do whatever they want. They fully forget that being a child means complete lack of autonomy and having very few individual rights! The same thing is happening with Trad Wife content - yeah ok I'd love to have a rich husband so I could do whatever I want but it changes to a dark experience very quickly when your life is restricted and violent and it's no longer horny and fun.
I think of it much closer to sex work than kink, honestly, because it's long-term, contractual, and very much labor. Which is great you have legal protections, unions, health care. Not so good when it's treated as a natural domestic relation.
That's a good point - I think from a viewership point of view it's kink but living it is sex work for sure. I've definitely gone off on ill-advised tangents with older family members about how any unpaid member of a married couple is engaging in sex work haha
I stand by the kink definition though - so much content these days is fetish/kink-adjacent with the viewers (and sometimes creators) not actually realizing where the framing comes from. Trad wife fits right in with the Dominant and submissive parts of BDSM, and misogyny kink.
How do you think this is different or similar to a community like the Bruderhoff that operates with a very clear sense of patriarchy and restricted roles? Many women attend secular (though often more conservative) universities and are not required to re-join the community as adults, but many do. I imagine some of that is the comfort of the familiar and some of the authentically good things that come with the simplicity of aspects of that life. It's been interesting to hear first-hand women from those communities defend things like their manner of dressing. But I also experienced a woman from the Bruderhoff openly question if I was an adequate caregiver for my 2 children as a stay-at-home father while my spouse works full time. I've not known exactly how to square that aspect of the Bruderhoff with the other more countercultural aspects of their community life.
I don't think the Bruderhoff market their content but they are certainly evangelistic (they want people to join) and sexist. I am very critical of the Bruderhoff just as I am with conservative, sexist Mennonite traditions.
I find Trad Wife discourse fascinating and exhausting at the same time (not commentary on your well written and thought out piece!). One of the things I always keep in mind is that Trad Wife is both kink and kink-adjacent. Just like all those videos we see of people making food badly, it's not porn, and it's not technically fetish content, it uses all of the same markers to appeal to the same base-brain that is activated by modern porn.
There is also the aspect of capitalism and relief from struggle - closely related to when people say "I'd love to be a kid again". Sure it would be great to have someone bankroll my life, and for me to be taken care of... but that's not actually the full experience of being a child. When someone says "i wish I could go back to being a little kid" they really mean they want someone to take care of all their needs so they have the freedom to do whatever they want. They fully forget that being a child means complete lack of autonomy and having very few individual rights! The same thing is happening with Trad Wife content - yeah ok I'd love to have a rich husband so I could do whatever I want but it changes to a dark experience very quickly when your life is restricted and violent and it's no longer horny and fun.
I think of it much closer to sex work than kink, honestly, because it's long-term, contractual, and very much labor. Which is great you have legal protections, unions, health care. Not so good when it's treated as a natural domestic relation.
That's a good point - I think from a viewership point of view it's kink but living it is sex work for sure. I've definitely gone off on ill-advised tangents with older family members about how any unpaid member of a married couple is engaging in sex work haha
I stand by the kink definition though - so much content these days is fetish/kink-adjacent with the viewers (and sometimes creators) not actually realizing where the framing comes from. Trad wife fits right in with the Dominant and submissive parts of BDSM, and misogyny kink.
Trad wives don’t get safe words
I’ve seen so much of the “that’s feminism too” comments that I was grateful to see you address it. Desires come from somewhere. Excellent essay!
This is excellent.
How do you think this is different or similar to a community like the Bruderhoff that operates with a very clear sense of patriarchy and restricted roles? Many women attend secular (though often more conservative) universities and are not required to re-join the community as adults, but many do. I imagine some of that is the comfort of the familiar and some of the authentically good things that come with the simplicity of aspects of that life. It's been interesting to hear first-hand women from those communities defend things like their manner of dressing. But I also experienced a woman from the Bruderhoff openly question if I was an adequate caregiver for my 2 children as a stay-at-home father while my spouse works full time. I've not known exactly how to square that aspect of the Bruderhoff with the other more countercultural aspects of their community life.
I don't think the Bruderhoff market their content but they are certainly evangelistic (they want people to join) and sexist. I am very critical of the Bruderhoff just as I am with conservative, sexist Mennonite traditions.